Don't Take Me Seriously - Book - Page 73
ESCAPE Weekly
Oct. 2 - Oct. 8, 2009 – 19
Pointing
Continued from page 16
He runs somewhere near the toy
and I am encouraged.
“Right here, boy!” I say, as I step
toward the toy, pointing.
He gets excited… and runs right
by me, to go the other way.
We go through this maybe five
times, until I am practically bending
over the toy, pointing at it.
Then he discovers the toy like I
had nothing to do with the find.
I go inside for a beer.
Now I have been in this position
with numerous dogs over my lifetime
and I have come to believe that
they simply can’t figure out that a
pointing arm and finger mean “go in
that direction.”
(Admit it. You have most likely
been there, too.)
Sure I’ve seen hunting dogs
follow hand gestures on TV, but
we all know they are special robot
dogs that have been programmed
by Japanese scientists. And there is
probably someone controlling them
by remote, anyway. Right?
So, imagine my chagrin when
I go inside and Google “dogs and
pointing” and one of the first things
I find is an MSNBC article that
states: “Dogs possess a two-year-old
child’s capacity to understand human
pointing gestures, with dogs requiring
next to zero learning time to figure
out the visual communication,
according to two recent studies.”
“Next to zero learning time, my
____,” I grumble.
Now it all becomes ever-so clear. All
those dogs, for all those years — they
fully understood the pointing and they
were just messing with my head!
“That tears it,” I say.
There is no way to go back and
win this battle of wills with my
previous dogs, no way to wash away
the shame.
“I’ll get them in the afterlife,” I
vow. “But the disgrace stops here.”
No longer will the midnight barking
chain deride me as a rube.
So, with the tune from “The
Good, the Bad and the Ugly”
whistling and wah, wah, wahing
in my head, I step out into the
backyard to win this battle, to get
one for the bipeds.
The dog wears a sly grin now,
which I used to take as friendly. He
thinks he’s going to get the best of
me one more time. I give him two
fetches, then, this time on purpose,
fake him out and toss the toy in the
direction he is not looking.
And we’re off.
I point. He plays dumb.
I point and encourage. He runs
around aimlessly.
I step closer to the “lost” toy and
point. He stops to mark a tree.
I wash the tree off, just to show
him who is boss, and he marks
another tree.
I reach toward the toy, faking
like I will pick it up — and I see his
sadistic eyes follow me gleefully.
Ah ha!
But I pick up a leaf instead.
He is visibly shaken.
Now he’s wondering if I’m that
dumb or just messing with him.
A half hour passes of pointing and
wrong-waying, and both of us are
gassed. But he has had the worst of
it. The “fun” of his little game has
long-since run dry. He stops down
for a beer, obviously depressed.
I take one in victory.
You see, even though I haven’t
gotten him to follow the pointing,
when I analyze it, I realize he’s the
rube. Yes, I’m dancing around,
waving my arms and exclaiming,
“Right there boy! Right there!”
like a happy maniac. But the dog is
running back and forth across the
yard, working himself to a frazzle
just to make fun of me. Some pranks
are not worth the effort.
I can see he’s realized it, too.
We share a grin.
Mutual respect at last.
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s Live Entertainment and Music
s Help the Children Food Drive
s Vintage Car Show
s Rubber Ducky Regatta – Samuel Dixon Family
Health Centers
s Bass Fishing Clinic
s The Event itself is FREE! (Fee for Parking)
s Hot Air Balloon Rides (Fee Per-Person)
s Movie Night on the Lake
s Kayaking Demo
s Great Food!
s Local Business and Arts & Crafts Booths
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How will you spend the day?
Sponsors
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XL5 Productions, LLC
County of Los Angeles Department of Parks and Recreation
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32132 Castaic Lake Drive • Castaic, CA 91384
For specific questions, please email:
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