Don't Take Me Seriously - Book - Page 71
ESCAPE Weekly
Sept. 18 - Sept. 24, 2009 – 16
It’s all in the cards
Watch out where you plant the plastic
Y
ou may have seen this in the
your clunker on the road, even
news lately, but, just in case
though it puts your life in danger.
you didn’t, and you aren’t
That definitely spells P-O-O-R.
paranoid enough about what the
Marriage counseling could indicate
Evil Overlords of Visa are doing in
a coming divorce and subsequent
their dark fortresses, check it out.
financial distress. Most of the other
Your purchasing history is being
“don’ts” on the list make sense, too.
carefully watched by credit cardHowever, in my mind, the personal
issuing banks. They are looking for
indulgences and related items might
early warning signs indicating you
only mean you, you know, want
might be in financial distress.
some comfort. Even people with lots
(As if carrying a 5K credit card
of money like comfort. And, OK,
balance doesn’t say that
charging alcohol might
clearly enough.)
allude to “issues,” so
And we all know
always pay in cash. But
what the card zombies
don’t think you’ll fool
do when they think you
them if you keep getting
are in financial trouble.
that cash from the ATM
That’s right, they make
outside the bar.
it worse. They jack up
I’m sure you can think
your interest rate and
of some other don’tlower you credit limit,
charge-its. A few I can
Jim Walker
which increases your
Don’t Take Me Seriously think of include using a
debt-to-limit ratio and
credit card to pay for:
lowers your FICO score — and sets
the whole poverty avalanche sliding
Your mortgage payment
faster and faster.
Your life insurance
With this devious purchase Church offerings
watching in mind, American Public
Bail
Media’s Marketplace recently put
Rehab
together a list of purchases to avoid
A weekend seminar on
making with a credit card. Don’t
“How to Fool Your Credit
use your card to pay for:
Card Company”
Traffic tickets
Retreading tires
Bargain binges
Marriage counseling
Lottery tickets
Cash advances
Spa treatments and other
personal indulgences
Income taxes
Alcohol
Now I get the retreads bit. It
means you have to borrow money
to pay for the cheapest way to keep
Now, sometimes, the “indicator”
that you have problems might only
be the amount of what you purchase.
For instance, charging a single box
of ammunition could slip under the
radar. Buying 1,000 rounds might
sniff of distress — and bad intent.
In fact, attaching the number 1,000
to many credit card purchases would
seem to say “Help me, please.”
Consider buying 1,000:
Band-Aids?
Vials of breath freshener?
PhotoSpin
Credit card companies are watching your purchase history for signs you might be in onancial distress.
Cans of cat food?
Barry Manilow CDs?
Doses of Viagra?
Beyond what you purchase,
and how many units of it you buy,
where you buy it also tells a tale. For
example, if you live in Valencia and
buy a round of drinks at the Elephant
Bar, that may just indicate you were
out with local friends of good repute.
However, if you buy that round of
drinks at the Bunny Ranch in Nevada
— well, that could point toward a
different group of “friends.”
If you, as that Valencia resident,
put a set of bed sheets on your card
in Valencia, that probably means
you needed new bed sheets. But if
you buy a set of bed sheets when
you pass through Barstow? Well, it
sets the mind a-wondering. Toss in
a roll of duct tape and a shovel and
the FBI probably gets a printout.
Never mind that you were merely
going camping in a motor home.
And even when you buy says a lot
about your thinking. Pretty much
any purchase made between 2 a.m.
and 4 a.m. says you are suffering
from insomnia, which could
indicate to the card companies that
you are worried about finances.
But, beyond that, purchases made
in those wee hours each carry a
little “English” of their own. For
instance, a pizza charged at 6 p.m.
says “dinner.” A pizza charged at 2
a.m. says “munchies,” and points
toward the usually-related cause.
Flowers ordered online at noon
to be sent to your girl might say
“romance.” Flowers ordered at 3
a.m. to be sent to a girl smack of
misguided Web cam obsessions.
I’m just sayin,’ it’s all in the
cards. So watch out where you plant
the plastic.
