Don't Take Me Seriously - Book - Page 69
ESCAPE Weekly
Sept. 4 - Sept. 10, 2009 – 16
The clock in your head
You don’t need to be Einstein to know time is relative
D
in terms of equations. Here’s the latest,
o you feel like Rip Van Winkle,
my friend? You wake up one day to explain the whole time-passing-tooquickly thing:
and 20 years have passed? Have
DH = 60 / (BZ x INT x RA)
you finally realized that VHS will win
Here DH stands for the apparent
out over Betamax, only to hear something
duration of an hour, BZ
about Blu-ray? Or does it
equals how busy you are,
only seem like each week flies
INT equals your level of
by before you’ve had time
interest in what you are
to greet it? Whatever the
currently doing, and RA
symptom, the cause is simply
equals your relative age,
that time is not a constant.
figured from the age of
And I’m not talking about
adulthood, which is 21.
Einstein’s relativity, I’m
Anything less than 21
talking about yours. The
Jim
Walker
and your RA goes down.
speed of time is in your head.
Don’t Take Me Seriously Anything over 21, it goes up.
Maybe it was my lack
For today’s exercise we
of math skills at an earlier
will ignore the effect of all
age, maybe it’s my need for
security now, but, lately, I analyze things
those electromagnetic waves bombarding
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your noggin 24/7. You know,
from radio, television — alien
transmissions. We all know
they are altering time, but we
can’t prove it — yet. We will
also ignore the expanding
universe, the Age of Aquarius,
the effects of fluoride, and evil
plots from the Illuminati.
Now the standard for time
would be DH = 60 / (1 x 1 x
1) = 60 / 1 = 60. The standard
hour equals 60 minutes in
apparent time. But, as you
increase, or decrease, BZ, INT
or RA, the DH increases or
decreases, respectively.
Time at 10 years old
Metro Creative Connection
Take you at 10 years old,
If time seems to be passing faster and faster, it’s only to be
back in the day. Your “busy” expected. The relative passage of time is in your head.
(BZ) was pretty low. Really,
what did you have to do in
(INT) in what you were doing was waya day? Go to school, come
low, say 0.25. Here’s how that figures in:
home, play outside, pick your nose, poke
60 / (0.5 x 0.25 x 0.5) = 60 / 0.0625 = 960.
a grasshopper, feed the dog, maybe do
Your apparent hour was 16 hours! That’s
a half hour of homework — and then
pretty much do whatever until you went to why time moved so slowly when you were
a kid. Don’t let them, you know, kid ya
bed? You had no iPod, no cell phone, no
Internet. You weren’t that busy. So let’s say there is any other reason.
BZ was 0.5. That alone makes your DH
equal 120, all other things being standard. Time at age 21
Now take you at age 21. You are
DH = 60 / (0.5 x 1 x 1) = 120. Your
footloose and fancy free, and mostly
apparent hour back then might have felt
busy doing the illegal things you want
like two hours.
to do. Your RA is 1. Your BZ is back up,
But wait….
but not hectic, say 1 again. Your INT
Factor in your relative age (RA). At 10
you were about halfway to 21, so we’ll give is up there, however, because you like
hosting underground parties. Let’s give
that 0.5 as well. Now your relative hour is
that a 1.5.
four hours: 60 / (0.5 x 1 x 0.5) = 240.
So your DH = 60 / (1 x 1.5 x 1) = 40.
And, remember how bored you could
Your
“hour” feels like 40 minutes. But
get when you couldn’t control things?
what do you care? You figure you have
Take a cold night, standing alone in
an unlimited supply of minutes coming.
the dark outside your church, after
confirmation class, which you didn’t want Bring on the next big thing! Burn the
candle at all three ends!
to attend anyway — and your mom was
an hour late picking you up. Your interest
See WALKER page 17
