Don't Take Me Seriously - Book - Page 63
ESCAPE Weekly
May 29 - June 4, 2009 – 5
Forward fasting
I love you, Mom, but
stop sending me forwards
Presented By Marie Callender’s
I
t’s getting so that I dread opening
up my home e-mail. That pleasant
voice that used to announce my
mail has begun to sound like a crier
of doom: “YOUUUU’VE GOTTT
MAILLL! That’s because, after 12
hours or so of not checking, I know I’ll
have an ocean of e-mails waiting —
and I can be sure that only about two
of them will be something offering real
communication that I am interested in.
First of all, there will be performance
enhancement come-ons that got by
my spam filter. These cry out for a less
savvy man’s attention with deceitful
titles such as, “Thank you for a
wonderful night,” and “We’ve charged
Creator Unknown
your credit card.” The former always
Did you get this bogus photo in an e-mail forward? The writer did, sent by an “otherwise intelligent” friend,
has you thinking back — you know,
who believed it was real. The writer feels it’s time for people to drastically curtail e-mail forwards.
even if you have to go way, way back —
forwards can be fun. I enjoy seeing
and the latter is just, well, mean.
the Pope roller skating or Bin Laden
There will also be ads in my in-box
wearing high heels as much as the
from entertainment venues I no longer
next guy. And I must
frequent, titles in Russian
-%%#:#-8!"#(,+-,5##,!
admit that I did regibberish, mentions that new
forward that one about
“classmates” I never heard of
-,;(-"-!+%#
the beautiful woman who,
have visited a site I am not
8 ! *
well, wasn’t. But, people,
(, (
signed up with, a plea from a
+
5 /123400
that’s one re-forward out
Nigerian prince to help him
of, maybe, hundreds of
spend his money … and a
$
forwards I have received. I
&,-,#!
bunch of forwards.
48 ! *
think I am doing my part
Oy — forwards.
to stop the madness.
Forwards, my friends,
Jim Walker
My mom, on the other
are the Internet version of
!"#$%!&'(!##%)&!&*$!#
Don’t Take Me Seriously hand, forwards anything
9/.0 &
a doorbell ring at dinner
that tells her to. You know,
time. My first reaction to
“Send
this
Good
News to seven friends,
seeing them is, “Please, not now,” and I
*+(,!(%(&!('(!#"-(%#
pass them by. But, like a stack of National and in seven days….” The reality is that
./.0 &'
!/123444
Geographics you can’t seem to get around in seven days thousands of people will
be
annoyed
—
and
their
computers
will
to reading, forwards lurk in your in-box,
probably be infected with the “Good
nagging you, waiting to suck time from
5##,!#6*+(,!(%(&!(*(%%#!
&7
News” virus.
your life. And you can’t delete them un!/12320.
Now, for the most part, Mom’s
viewed because they come from family
!
and friends. These people might later ask forwards are uplifting sorts of things
that I actually enjoy viewing. That is,
you what you thought about their gifts
as long as they aren’t too long and don’t
over-the-Internet.
See WALKER, page 16
Now don’t get me wrong. E-mail
) %)+( (,
"#
$$$ %
!!() (%( !
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