Don't Take Me Seriously - Book - Page 61
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When is a sign really
a sign? And then what?
W
hat does it mean if you see
a camel riding in a horse
trailer in Valencia — for
the third time in a month?
Nothing?
Everything?
That you’re crazy?
That somebody in Valencia owns
a camel?
And, what if that camel turns to you
in recognition, nods and curls his lip
into an Elvis sneer?
Metro Creative Connection
Will all your trials soon be over? Or
If you see a camel traveling through Valencia, pay attention because he might foretell your future.
is the camel just messing with your head?
so that I would see the sign? And,
dump on you and you will not make
Now, when he starts lip sinking
double-what-if no one else saw that
that house payment.
to the song on your car radio…well,
On the other hand, if it’s a condor
maybe it’s time to pull over and breathe sign but me? (Cue the scary music.)
Of course, the interpretation of
that drops the load, well, that’s so rare
into a paper bag.
any sign depends on
it’s lucky. You’re probably going to win
Signs and portents —
what
you
are
seeking.
My
the lotto — and get a new windshield.
they’re all around you if
sneering camel might have
Why not have fun with this? You can
you just open your eyes.
been
imparting
cosmic
make
a sign out of just about anything,
And, here I have to give
information to me — or
and interpret it any way you like.
a shout-out to the guy who
getting
ready
to
spit.
Say you’re walking along, and want
thought up that billboard
These days we’re all
to know how much longer you are
that stood a few years ago
looking for signs that the
going to live. At that exact moment you
along Highway 99, just
economy is coming back
see a penny on the sidewalk, one cent.
north of Bakersfield. The
online. And, while you can You’ve only got one day!
guy really understood
Jim Walker
watch the stock market,
See how fun this is?
human nature; that we’re
Don’t Take Me Seriously
or trends in home sales, or
On the other hand, you could pick
all looking for answers in
listen
to
the
economists
the
penny up and look at the date.
the mist.
blather, you can get much more
Maybe it’s 1996. Now it’s doubtful you
The billboard was black, with huge
celestial
input
on
the
topic
from
the
will live for another 1,996 years, and you
white letters spelling out “Here’s your
signs around you.
can’t die in 1996 because that’s the past.
sign.” Then the writing went on to
But first, it is important to note that, However, you can subtract 1996 from
point out that God had put the sign
for a sign to really be a sign, it must be
2009. You’ve got 13 more years. Not so
there for you and, you know, it was
unusual. The fact there is bird poop on
bad if you’re 80, sucks if you’re 20.
time to change.
your
car
windshield
in
the
morning
Remember that old game where
Brilliant. I wonder how many
isn’t a sign. But if you are driving along,
you destroyed perfectly good flowers
thousands of people had been asking
praying
for
a
sign
that
you
will
be
able
to
by plucking off the petals as you
for a sign on the days they drove by
predicted, “She loves me.” “She loves
that billboard, saw it, took the message make your house payment this month,
and
at
that
exact
moment
a
raven
me not.” It was a 50-50 chance you’d
to heart and changed their errant ways.
splatters a load on your windshield —
get the sign you wanted on that last
And, what, me? Well, no I didn’t
well, you have a sign, my man.
petal. And, heck, if you didn’t get what
change. I knew it was just some clever
The obvious interpretation here is
you wanted, you just started abusing
fellow. But then again, what if that
that, no, the universe has decided to
thought was put into his head just
See WALKER, page 16
