Don't Take Me Seriously - Book - Page 59
ESCAPE Weekly
May 1 - May 7, 2009 – 13
When plants attack!
It’s spring! A time when things start growing again
“These are the times that try men’s
souls.” — Thomas Paine
a threatening jungle.
The lawn, of course, could be your
own fault. As a life-long masochist, you
he tomato plants killed Vito
fertilized it a couple weeks ago. And,
Corleone.
“Oh surprise!” it’s grown long and
I’m here to tell you.
thick — and mean.
Forget that he was old. Forget that
And the hedges? Well, they swell
little brat was spraying insecticide in
like this every spring. But they always
his face.
wait until you have something planned
I mean, the man had
before they really stretch
survived being riddled with
out and wave at your
bullets. Age and chemicals
neighbors, “Hey, lookie
wouldn’t do it.
here, this guy is a lazy
Don Vito Corleone,
homeowner!”
the Godfather, had a heart
Passive aggressive, at
attack because he was
the least.
working in the tomato
Then there are the
garden — i.e. gardening,
dandelions. You got tired
ipso facto doing yard work,
of seeing their fuzzy heads
Jim Walker
ergo putting his life, and
popping up from your grass
Don't Take Me Seriously
his sanity, on the line.
and put a little anti-dande
Boys, it’s springtime.
on the lawn when you
The plants are out to get you. And the
fertilized. Yet, somehow, the dandelions
deed will be done in your own yard.
haven’t gotten the hint. In fact, you
You know, unless you have a gardener. just made them angry. If you stand
It’s Sunday, April 26, and you are
really still and watch for a moment, you
planning on going to the Cowboy
can actually see their sneering yellow
Festival. You wake up
flowers popping up
“You’d swear that, just like periscopes and
to a cool day, feeling
great, and go outside
yesterday, the lawn
watching you in
to collect your Signal was neatly trimmed
return — waiting for
from the driveway.
revenge.
and the hedges
Birds are chirping and
Dandelions are
behaving. Somehow,
you think you hear
nasty, and people
“Oh What a Beautiful overnight, your yard
have known it for
Morning” in the air.
centuries. In fact,
has turned into a
Then the
they got their name
threatening jungle.”
overgrown hedge
from the Old French,
–
Anonymous
Homeowner
branch slaps you in
“Dent-de-lion,” which
Before doing battle with landscaping
the eye.
means lion’s tooth.
You stagger off the
Now, one tooth is not
sidewalk and fall to your knees in sixso much to worry about. But your lawn
inch grass.
has a lot of teeth.
You’d swear that, just yesterday,
So you get up out of the grass
the lawn was neatly trimmed and
really fast.
the hedges behaving. Somehow,
You pick up your paper and take a
overnight, your yard has turned into
T
See WALKER page 16
Metro Creative Connection
Your landscaping is out to get you, and dandelions are in on it. And if you think they aren’t dangerous,
know that their name comes from the Old French “Dent-de-lion,” which means lion’s tooth.
