Don't Take Me Seriously - Book - Page 52
ESCAPE Weekly
March 27 - April 2, 2009 – 16
Tax season and the teenage brain
The eight steps to a maturity check for April 15
I
n recent years researchers have begun a template to work from when IT goes to
to paint a portrait of adolescence
see ITs own tax professional.
that confirms what many parents
Response: Silence — and you cringe
have always suspected: Teenagers are
as IT tosses the papers in the back seat
a different species. It appears the brain
of ITs car with the leftover fast food bags
continues to mature until around age
and dirty clothes.
25, with the frontal lobes, responsible
for reasoning and problem solving,
Step Two
developing last.
It’s early March and you
Do tell.
remind IT via e-mail that
Now understand, some
IT should be, you know,
teenagers and 20-somethings
thinking about getting ITs
can solve problems, as in
taxes done. And you add a
math problems, with ease.
nudge, with all sweetness,
But try to apply that to the
that IT must remember to
real world and you quickly
check off the box on the
find out those frontal lobes
tax form that says you will
are asleep. That’s why your
Jim Walker
claim IT as a dependent.
MIT grad doesn’t know how Don’t Take Me Seriously “Otherwise, kid, we might
to balance a checkbook.
both get audited, and
Of course, he would point out to you
nobody wants that.”
how silly you are not to be doing all your
Response: Zip.
banking online and that writing checks is
going the way of the VCR.
Step Three
Well, point taken, but the Internet
It’s late March and you sneak a
doesn’t magically FILL that bank
reminder into a conversation with IT.
account, and that’s the concept that a
“You should get your taxes done soon.
“young adult,” species Internetus Technus
April 15 is just around the corner.”
(IT), seems to miss.
Response: Surprisingly, IT doesn’t
At no time does this logic disconnect
argue — and the sheer joy of imagining
become more apparent than when you
those frontal lobes operating at nearly
finally allow your son or daughter to do
full capacity has you singing “What a
ITs own taxes.
Wonderful World.”
Step One
It’s February and you judiciously
pass along all the important tax-related
papers to your offspring (who doesn’t live
with you anymore), with the additional
sentimental note that you claimed IT as
a dependent in 2008, for the last time —
because you were still putting IT through
college last year and spending heaps of
other money on IT in those little ways
ITs frontal lobes deliberately screen out.
Those important papers include such
things as ITs last year’s tax return —
lovingly given to IT so that IT will have
Step Four
You remember that you forgot to
remind IT about the dependent thing.
So, you send IT a loving e-mail, with
the thought accented in bold type:
“Remember that we’re claiming you as
a dependent.”
Response: Nada.
Step Five
You’re at work and you get a call.
“Hey, Dad, I’m doing my taxes (read
here that means online and without a
photo illustration Jim Walker/The Signal
Is this the first year your “young adult” son or daughter will be doing his or her own taxes? It
doesn’t matter what you give them, tell them or do, teenagers will not get it right.
professional) and I just need to know
what my adjusted gross income was from
last year.”
You’re caught off guard and mumble
something like “I don’t have that
information with me.”
Response: “Well, don’t you have it
online somewhere?”
Well, no you don’t, silly man.
Then IT asks if you can just call up
your tax man, you know, during his
busiest time of the year and, you know,
just have him look that up for you, for IT.
You decline to do that and, you know,
get some ’tude. “Fine, I’ll just take care of
it,” IT barks, and the phone goes dead.
What could that possibly mean? Will
IT go to the magical online place where
all answers can be found?
Step Six
You now remember that you gave
IT last year’s tax return, so IT should
have the adjusted gross income info at
ITs fingertips. Foolishly, you call IT to
See TEENAGE, page 18
