Don't Take Me Seriously - Book - Page 48
ESCAPE Weekly
February 27 - March 5, 2009 – 4
Broom Wagon in the sky
Real winners are those who can lose in style
A
Jim Walker/ The Signal
First place vs. last place: Amgen Tour of California winner Levi Leipheimer and Lance Armstrong
were both part of the Astana team. Inset: The Broom Wagon picked up stranded Amgen Tour riders.
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pp g Center
hear someone finished “last.” Just can’t
weak memory and informed
help it.
sources tell me that it was
All of this brings us to the recent
Cheech and Chong who did
Amgen Tour of California — and
the riff on the ski jumper who crashed
Andy Guptill.
weekly for so many years in the agony
We all enjoyed seeing the start of
of defeat segment of the opening of
Stage 7 of the Amgen Tour right here at
“Wide World of Sports.”
the mall last Saturday. And the overall
The comedy bit went something like
this, as friends of the famed ski-crasher race was won by Levi Leipheimer of
team Astana, who was
are calling to him:
assisted by teammate
“Hey Lars, you’re on TV
Lance Armstrong.
again!”
La dee freaking da.
To this, Lars painfully
Andy Guptill finished
replies in a bad Nordic
last, God bless him. And
accent.
he’s my hero because he
“I don’t want to see the
didn’t quit.
damn thing!”
Of course, if he did quit,
And why would he?
Jim Walker
that would mean some
Over and over and over
Don’t Take Me Seriously other poor schlub would
again he, and millions of
have the dubious honor of
viewers, got to watch that
being last — and on and on if they all
gawdawful crash that he shouldn’t
quit — until Levi and Lance would be
have walked away from. It hurt just to
the only ones left in the race.
watch, but it was riveting every time.
Announcer: “And, first in a race of
And, the visual I have of Lars hiding
two…Levi Leipheimer…assisted by
in the kitchen every time the show
came on, moaning loudly, rocking back Lance Armstrong.”
and forth and trying to cover both
Bet Levi would have some choice
ears with one arm and one hand, as he
words for Lance if Lance dropped out.
sucked the thumb on the other hand?
So it was to Levi’s advantage that
Well, it still cracks me up.
Andy stay on and not start the quitting
But sometimes the agony of defeat
epidemic. You can imagine the speech
isn’t so spectacular. In fact, most times
he gave Andy on the evening before the
it’s just dull and painful and sad. I had
last stage. Maybe it was a speech Levi
some personal experience with this in
gave to a small room-full of those in
our local marathon.
danger of coming in last, overall.
Yeah, twice.
“Gentlemen, when the going gets
But it’s all in the way you look at
tough….”
things. Comedian Franklyn Ajaye did a
To his credit, Andy did not finish last
riff about a guy in a running race who
in the final segment of the race, Stage
was so far behind he decided to have
8. On the other hand, that prevented
some fun and finish the race running
him from doing any grandstanding as
backward and waving at the crowd.
he crossed the finish line.
Announcer: “He finished last, butt
Still, finishing “butt first” on a bike
first!”
would be pretty difficult.
That phrase pops into my head, and
Maybe he could do a wheelie.
out of my mouth, nearly every time I
See BROOM, page 17
