Don't Take Me Seriously - Book - Page 300
through Friday was chosen to eliminate any weekend “party effects.” These were,
after all, very fit and sociable test subjects.
As this test was more involved than that of aspect (1), fewer test subjects were
used. A total of 344 tests were completed (86 subjects). The resulting scores were
thHn analyzed using standard measures of statistical significance, as far as you
know.
It is important to note that actual performance was not important, only the
relationship between Bluetooth blocking and increase or decrease in performance.
Results and Conclusions
The full analysis of our results is available in a separate publication ... for a
nominal subscription fee. However, getting right to the point, as few scientific
papers do, our result was a p-value of 4%, indicating statistical significance that
supports our hypothesis as correct. Cue the choir’s hallelujah. It would seem that
Bluetooth blocking may very well be a reliable indicator of immediate and general
peak athletic ability. As a subject’s Bluetooth blocking force increases, their peak
performance ability is reduced. Oh please, your chants of “Nobel Prize” are
embarrassing. Don’t ... stop ... don’t ... stop ...
It should be noted that no quantification of this effect can be drawn from the results
with significance – only that the relationship does exist. However, we look forward
to larger studies that will reinforce our results as well as look at this possible
quantification. Can you say “big funding”?
It should also be noted the indications were that, of the three physical ability tests,
the 400 yard run showed the greatest B2P, though this wasn’t significant. Any
explanation of this would be purely speculative. But, possibly, a more “aerobic”
activity has a greater B2P. This, as well, would require further study ... maybe with
ribbon dancing.
Acknowledgements
The authors wish to thank all our test volunteers, real or imagined, young and old,
surviving or not – as well as our costars, directors, producers, agents, longsuffering loved ones, and kids who are supposed to be in bed during this
broadcast. We also wish to apologize to all our teachers and professors for this
blatant abuse of the scientific establishment.
But maybe someone will run with this, because we are really convinced B2P is a
thing. However, we claim all rights to any revenues generated from this concept,
first brought to light here.
Yeah, worldwide, in perpetuity.
