Don't Take Me Seriously - Book - Page 298
simplest, a leaner body transmits electricity better (B. Chubbs, M. Thinzap).4
Hydration, and the percentage of various electrolytes in the body, are also known
influencers on electrical transmission (H. Salt).5 And while electrical transmission
in the body is not the same as Bluetooth transmission through the body, they do
correlate (I. Kidnott).6
Various studies (F. Wutha, U. Becha) 7 have proven that the human body is more
of a Bluetooth transmission blocker than an enhancer. And Bluetooth transmission
between small battery-powered devices (such as the aforementioned wrist unit
and earbuds) can definitely be negatively affected by proximity to a human body –
especially one as seemingly “dense” as author one’s, as emphasized by author
two.
It remained only for this study to prove to statistical significance that (1) A body’s
measured Bluetooth blocking force varies over time, and (2) That this measured
force is inversely proportional to athletic performance when other variables have
been eliminated. Herein we attempt to prove that B2P is a thing.
Can you say Nobel Prize?
Method
Author two, a personal trainer and exercise performance expert familiar with
Master’s level research protocols, was drafted into this study to create
experiments to test aspects (1) and (2) of our hypothesis. With access to an
inexhaustible supply of willing test volunteers (aka gym rats offered a minor
discount on training fees), he designed the experiments and ran them while author
one analyzed data and thought deep thoughts.
However, just to get the bugs out, author one had earlier run some practice tests
on his 96 year-old mother and the aging members of her small church
congregation. This is where any awkward aspects of the testing were brought to
light and eliminated. Who knew Bluetooth could spark so hotly?
(1) A body’s measured Bluetooth blocking force varies over time:
A relatively simple test, this amounted to selecting a list of naive volunteers, who
then each had their Bluetooth blocking ability measured at several different times
under conditions that did not vary externally. This test merely placed a Bluetooth
transmitter in a headband on the subject and a Bluetooth receiver in an ankle strap
on them. The volunteer was then invited to stretch out, face-up, on a massage
table to await events. Yeah, but don’t get ahead of us.
It must be admitted here that, when left alone, author one couldn’t resist having a
little fun with the first few subjects tested. In some cases they were told that a
massage was coming, which never came ... and in others, told to expect a mean
electric shock. However, it wasn’t long before it became obvious that those
expecting a shock were tensing up, and twitching as switches were thrown. Great
