Don't Take Me Seriously - Book - Page 282
I hereby state a hypothesis – nay, a theory, at the very least. I mean, this is
closing in on becoming a FACT. And I have the research to prove it. Please bear
with me, my friends, I’ll get to the proof in a moment. First, the theory.
Computers, or at least the squirrels inside them, are lazy.
’Tis true. These hallowed and depended-upon tools often take the easy way out
–just like the humans who created and programmed them. This should really not
come as much of a surprise. The Latins put it this way: in imago auctoris. (Did
they, really? Or, being lazy, myself, did I just get that by searching “in the image
of the author” in Google Translate? I’ll never tell.)
Computers suffer from many of the same maladies as their creators, including
heat stroke, fried connections, RAM-jam, CPUTI, Motherboard issues, TMI and
digital envy. They, and we, also suffer from an affliction called Network
Nonsense, which comes under the heading of “junk in, junk out.” Take Twitter, for
example.
And, just as with their creators, all these computer problems can be exacerbated
by advancing age. I mean, once the shine wears off those printed circuits ...
But for all their issues, computers are just hardware. Like cars before computers
controlled them, things just wear out eventually. While there may have been
planned obsolescence chiseled into autos back in the day, there was no built-in
evil consciousness continuously plotting under the hood after you drove it off the
lot.
Unfortunately, computer hardware needs software. Programs and algorithms are
the squirrels that make the wheels go around. And therein lies the portal to both
heaven and hell, dear ones.
Now, this discourse will not take on any built-in evils, susceptibility to Russian
hackers, or even planned obsolescence. As theorized, we look at lazy here –
specifically the lazy, nut-inebriated fur balls known as algorithms.
By definition, an algorithm is “a process or set of rules to be followed in
calculations or other problem-solving operations.” Now, you might imagine these
little rodents suffer their time away under the absolute and unalterable laws of
mathematics. You figure they are infallible, honest and true. Under any
circumstances, if the same stats go in, the same result comes out.
Not so, mis amigos.
Admission: I play the California State Lottery, SuperLotto Plus to be specific.
Now, sure, I’ve heard the admonition that “The lottery is the opiate of the poor.”
