Don't Take Me Seriously - Book - Page 278
So, let’s keep going.
Next, purging one of the most bilious swindles since the four-wheel drive chariot – we
search “business -blockchain -BITCOIN” and get about 449,000,000 results.
At last, we are getting somewhere. We have stripped away this con, as well as nine or so
years, dear ones, alighting in the general vicinity of 2009! (And we call it “aught nine,”
ya whippersnappers.)
In 2009 I still have a job, a liver – and hope!
We are in the zone, so let’s push harder and travel back to the previous century.
You’d think taking the obvious route, eliminating the term “Y2K,” would get us just
under the century line. However, dumping the concept of it, at least, actually tosses us all
the way back to 1985 – when the potential problem first clicked in someone’s head after
an all-nighter of ecstasy and Super Mario Bros.
The problem here is, backing into 1985, we, as the general public, lose the ability to
search online. We need an appetizer first, say a visit to early 1996. So, let’s eliminate one
of the most momentous business and cultural innovations that occurred in the 1990s (July
1996): We search “business -blockchain -bitcoin -TICKLE ME ELMO.”
With 2,290,000 results, we are now in a kinder, gentler world. Ahhhh, it feels like a bed
full of analog kittens.
But we have a little further to go, mes amis.
Aaaaand, finally, having already let the air out of Y2K, let’s kick this tale through the
uprights and try searching for “business -blockchain -bitcoin -Tickle Me Elmo STARTUP” (you are welcome). The number of results is ... oh, who cares, really?
The important thing is that, incredibly, we have moved all the way back in time to 1976,
when someone first re-labeled the obvious. And we haven’t even had to deliberately
select against “smartphone,” “social media” or “rap.” They have just quietly melted
away. And it feels so good. My head is blissfully empty of digital sludge and my mood
ring is showing “happy” as I pet my pet rock.
Even better, in 1976, I am in really good shape – and this time here I have the
foreknowledge to invest in ... you know ... smartphones, social media and rap, when they
come out. I mean, I may be a hater, but I’m not stoo-pid.
Too bad, though. I was really looking forward to the pleasure of spiking the gratuitous
use of “boots on the ground,” “doubling down” and “literally” – though I wouldn’t be the
first to cringe whenever the latter bombs a conversation.
