Don't Take Me Seriously - Book - Page 272
payment – well, that is, unless you were one of those unfortunates who found themselves standing in
line at the gas company with money orders in hand and watching the clock tick toward the past-due
hour. That tended to color perceptions of both your credit score and your ability to work ahead of
deadlines.
And it labeled you as an old farty-daddy.
But then you woke up one morning to find out that merely mailing a check to pay a bill put you into the
old farty-daddy category. If you weren’t paying online from your computin’-machine, you were out of
touch and your further existence was a waste of natural resources. And, as you dropped your check
envelope into the mailbox, the Soylent Green truck was already pulling up behind you and the scoop
was lowering.
And plastic cards? Why, I remember, Sonny, when using a
charge card for a purchase was looked upon as a sketchy deal.
To those in line with you, at, say, the phonograph store, using a
card instead of paying with cash, or at least a check, said you
were obviously someone who had to borrow money from the
marching bankers to make your purchase. And all those
observing the act knew, deep inside, that you were most
certainly getting in over your head.
And they were right, right?
Now, using a plastic card for a purchase is the minimum
acceptable strategy. If you attempt to write a check in the
grocery store checkout line, you will be pelted with tomatoes.
And if you pull out cash, those around you will groan in
frightened wonder like Dark Ages peasants viewing an eclipse.
The acceptance … nay, the prerequisite … of the card is so
pervasive that even bar bets are now paid when the winner
sitting next to you slides your card through the slot plugged into this phone.
But even the ubiquitous card is rapidly becoming passé. Its number sequence is now electronically
turned into PayPunk and MasterMess and even more sinister facilitations that can send your precious
digital money to mobile numbers, email addresses and even Facebook accounts. You don’t even have to
think. Just tap with your finger and your funds go flying afield.
However, you need to have at least one admirer when you do this … or be otherwise able to brag about
it. Because, remember, this is one-upsmanship, and he who can toss his tender most carelessly wins.
But the cyber-gimps and their organ grinders didn’t stop there, oh no. They have added other “social”
incentives, such as treats you can earn by using their digital herpes. You can then send these treats to
