Don't Take Me Seriously - Book - Page 261
Deliberate deconstruction
Change for change’s sake
hether motivated by boredom,
creativity or a perverse desire to mess
with other people’s heads, it’s often fun to
randomly change things up. Now, those of
you who have trudged through my travails
with me on these pages may realize that I
once mined a very similar theme. However,
Early-Onset Oldtimers affords me license
to travel down familiar roads and enjoy
brand new scenery every time.
So here we go.
We are all creatures of habit and pattern,
and the particular habit that kicked off
this mental meandering was the question a
colleague brought up recently:
Are you a keyboard short-cutter or
a toolbar choice-clicker? For example,
when you want to copy text in a Word
document, do you highlight the text and
hit Ctrl+C, or do you highlight the text
and then go up to the toolbar and click
on the little “pages” icon? And, when you
want to paste that highlighted selection, do
you hit Ctrl+P or click on the “paste” page
in the toolbar? These are simple things,
really, but probably indicative of larger
patterns. For instance, if you always use the
toolbar for these tasks, you probably still
send “Thank You” cards via post, with the
sentiments written on them in cursive.
And, if you use the shortcut for one of
these operations, and the toolbar for the
W
Jim Walker
Don’t Take Me Seriously
other, well, you obviously missed a step in
your Word-training – or you need years of
therapy.
They say changing up your patterns is
good mental exercise, so on the simple,
might I suggest you occasionally switch up
your Word tasks and go “toolbar” when
“shortcut” is your inclination – or vice
versa.
With this mental exercising as the
chicken-fried steak, and with confusing
others as the gravy, let’s consider some
other changeups:
• For example, when eating the alludedto chicken-fried steak, swap hands with
the fork and knife from your usual. This
not only exercises the mind and promotes
ambidexterity, it could also serve as a
calorie-intake-reduction technique because
you will eat much slower, and so be less
likely to have seconds – and more likely to
send a chunk-O-chicken into the lap of the
person next to you.
• Similarly, you can brush your teeth or
hair with your “other” hand, or use your
“crossover” hand to open a door. You will
probably be more meticulous with your
teeth, you will have a bold new hairstyle,
and your pirouette entrances into rooms
will be much more dramatic.
Oh yeah, and try texting with your
“other” hand while you drive instead of
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14 | >>
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Beef’n cheese-ifil citrate
“Do you frequently gaze emotionally
out of the window while sad piano music
plays in the background?”
This is just a really well done takeoff on
those televised antidepressant medication
ads. And the voiceover sounds a lot like
Bob Costas.
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“Unlike other antidepressants, tacos are
formulated to be frickin delicious.”
And, after you watch this, you’ll be
craving tacos. But watch out for the
“beef sweats.”
the usual hand. You will make new friends
everywhere you go.
• Speaking of cars, why not enter
your car from the shotgun side and slide
across the console to the wheel side? This
will even out the wear on your auto’s
upholstery, limber you up, tighten your
core, and totally freak your passengers.
“No, my driver’s door isn’t stuck. I just like
sliding across leather.”
• When you answer the phone, answer
with “Goodbye,” and time the length of
the pause on the other end. When ending
a call, end with, “OK, I gotta go now …
hello” and hang up.
• Call your momma “Honey” and
your honey “Momma.” Everyone will get
mental exercise out of this.
• And, finally, when you kiss your wife,
turn your nose to the opposite side from
what she has grown accustomed to. She
will receive all the excitement of having an
affair, without the consequences. However,
one warning here: If she doesn’t seem to
notice, she may already be having an affair.
Let’s change it up out there, people.
Comment at jwalker@signalscv.com or
at http://Twitter.com/DontSeriously.
