Don't Take Me Seriously - Book - Page 257
Dirty coins equal dirty deeds
The ‘meth’ dime, the ‘grave’ penny and the ‘murder’ quarter
ow, in my opinion, I do not have
an overly developed fear of germs
or disgusting things. For example, while
most people operate by the “10-second
rule,” I’m more the “brush it off and chew
it no matter how long it has been down”
N
type. But I have to admit (and, come on,
you do, too), I do not like getting ugly,
dirty coins as change. I mean, a handful
of shiny pennies, bright dimes and flashy
quarters somehow seems like “treasure” –
the kind you can hoard, or even let your
children swallow. But, every now and then,
something happens. To tweak a great old
Allan Sherman lyric (think of this sung in
beautiful harmony, until the last word goes
flat):
“Every coin is like an angel,
then, one coin goes … BUM.”
Yes, right there, in your sweaty palm,
lurking among the shinies, you see that
dirty coin. It’s not just a brown penny, oh
no. It’s the blackened nickel, the blonde
dime, the green and white-spotted penny
or, the most disgusting of all, the “rusty”
quarter.
While it is possible that most of you
out there do not carry out your imagined
“scenarios” as extensively as this writer, I
will assume you do in the following:
While the blackened nickel is most
likely a coin plucked out of a street repaving by a homeless man in need … the
blonde dime was probably discolored in
a chemical spill in a meth lab. The green
and white-spotted penny was surely come
by during a grave robbery, and you should
know that quarters do not rust, my friends.
The “rusty” quarter could only have come
from the picked-pockets of a gore-soaked
Jim Walker
Don’t Take Me Seriously
beheading victim.
Or really? Do I go too far? I think not.
Search your subconscious minds. There
are dark imaginings in there.
Now, receiving the “dirty” coin is not an
everyday occurrence for most people, you
know, unless they work a cash register. But
it is an occurrence that rears its ugly head
often throughout one’s lifetime. And most
of you probably just shudder inwardly at
the sight of this evil change, and then force
your mind away to thoughts of unicorns
and rainbows.
Even so, your skin crawls and you
want that thing away from you as soon as
possible, right?
There are, basically, three ways to handle
this situation. The most stable of you will
merely ignore the ugly coin until it finds its
way out of your possession spontaneously
at a time when you give change, yourself.
Those of lesser fortitude will toss the ugly
coin into your “ugly coin jar” – which is
kept locked in the basement, never to be
cashed-in until the estate sale after your
death.
And then there’s the majority of us,
who, being of meaner spirits, purposely
pass such coins on at Taco Bell or into a
vending machine as soon as we can – while
muttering “no evil eye” under our breaths
like gypsies.
And the guilt we do feel, as if we’d
just passed the herpes virus forward,
soon passes.
But what if the dirty coin comes back?
Video Link of the Week:
What if Wild Animals Ate Fast Food?
his is a one-trick pony, but it gives a good ride, and it’s just so well done you
can’t help but smile. Also, since it is animated, this is very pleasing visually,
and it has great sound – unlike those homemade videos we often present here.
Your editor’s favorite parts are the animals’ surprised eyes, especially when the
leopard slips off the limb. Enjoy.
T
http://tinyurl.com/aof584p
14 | >>
WWW.CONNECTSCV.COM • MARCH 6 - 12, 2013
Yes, this happened to me, just the
other day, I am sure of it. The bloodstained quarter I passed on in change
at lunch … came back to me the next
morning in the change I received from
the vending machine when I bought my
breakfast Fritos.
Who says retribution waits in the
afterlife? Mine comes back immediately.
And just what is the universe trying to tell
me with that murder quarter?
Well, I can’t think on that now. Instead,
to lighten the mood, and just for fun ….
Rearrange these three words into one
word: “a dirty coin.”
Result: “dictionary” or “indicatory.”
If you got those, I have a “special”
quarter for you as a prize.
Now, you will please pardon me, as I
need to go wash my hands.
Next week: finding Pesos or, God,
forbid, Canadian coins, in your change.
Comment at jwalker@signalscv.com or at
http://Twitter.com/DontSeriously.
