Don't Take Me Seriously - Book - Page 252
The catchphrase in your head
Get it right, or get it funny
T
here are only so many brain cells
available to each of us, you know. And,
as we move through the years, more and
more of these cells get handcuffed to items
of “knowledge” that are trivial, inane and
flat-out useless. For instance, I still know the
lyrics to the “The Arkansas Traveler,” which,
when I was a fourth grade student, was the
Arkansas State Song. (You know, “For the
wonder state we’ll sing a song, and lift our
voices loud and long.”) Our then-teacher, in
California, by the way, was Mrs. Norman,
and she made us each create a book of state
songs and memorize several of them. Little
did she know, “The Arkansas Traveler”
would be supplanted by “Arkansas,”
rendering all the brain cells I had allotted to
“... Traveler” irrelevant and wasted.
Worse yet, those very same brain cells
were unavailable to me when it came time
to learn algebra in high school. So, thank
you Mrs. Norman, that particular math
class took me two and a half tries before it
was, eventually, circumvented – when I held
my guidance counselor hostage in her office
and sang “Traveler” to her until she let me
try geometry.
Of even less value than outdated state
songs are commercial catchphrases, the
in-my-brain catalogue of which stretches
back to the Dark Ages – and is continually
growing and reducing farmable brain
acreage.
“Where’s the beef?” and “Please don’t
squeeze the Charmin” are perfect examples.
Now the brain is a clever organ, and it
will often save on space by overwriting
items in the cobwebby corners. And,
here, some very interesting combinations
are created when the under-track
corrupts the over-track – especially in the
catchphrase area.
For example, Walmart’s old catchphrase
was “Walmart: Always Low Prices,” which
was supplanted by “Walmart: Save Money,
Live Better.” After brain re-tracking, you
can get “Walmart: Live Lower” – which isn’t
going to help you get a job as a greeter there.
Subway’s catchphrase is “Eat Fresh.”
It has not been supplanted recently
but, because in gets stored in the brain’s
Catchphrase Corner, it could rub together
with Walmart’s line and then you’d get
“Walmart: Eat Fresh” – which isn’t so bad
… but you could also get “Subway: Eat
Walmart” – which is not a new 11-inch
sandwich.
Here are some other possible
catchphrase cross-ups:
• Discover Card’s “It pays to discover”
and Chanel’s “Share your fantasy” – you
might get “It pays to share your fantasy” –
which is not always true.
• Pepsodent’s “You’ll wonder where the
yellow went” and Nair’s “Who wears short
shorts?” – you might get “Short shorts,
where the yellow went” – which is really too
much information.
• “They don’t say Hanes until I say they
say Hanes” and “Leggo my Eggo” – you
might get “Leggo my Hanes” – which is
some sort of harassment, I’m sure.
• “Get the door … It’s Domino’s” and
Burger King’s “Where’s the beef?” – you
might get “Domino’s, where’s the beef?” –
which we’ve all been wondering.
• “Let Hertz put you in the driver’s seat”
and Visine’s “It gets the red out” – you
might get “Hertz gets the red out” – which
makes you want to check the vehicle’s
Carfax report.
• Alka-Seltzer’s “I can’t believe I ate the
whole thing” and Ken-L-Ration’s “My dog’s
bigger than your dog” – you might get “I
can’t believe I ate my whole dog” – which is
frowned upon in this country.
• “Trix are for kids” and Crest’s “Look ma
… no cavities” – you might get “Trix are for
cavities” – which is probably true.
• ABC Wide World of Sports’ “The thrill
of victory, the agony of defeat” and “I want
my MTV” – you might get “The agony of
MTV” – which, apparently most people
have figured out.
• AT&T’s “Reach out and touch
someone” and “Flick my Bic” – you might
get “Reach out and flick someone” or
“Reach out and touch my Bic” – neither of
which is appropriate behavior.
And, finally …
• State Farm’s “Like a good neighbor”
and “Every kiss beings with Kay” – you
might get “Every kiss begins with a good
Video Link of the Week:
Top 10 Super Bowl commercials
Q
http://bit.ly/xchUyb
14 | >>
uite often the Super Bowl game, itself, is a snoozer or a lopsided
mess. But the one thing you can count on every year is that there
will be some great television commercials showing up in that game
timeslot. While you can find many “Top 10” lists for these videos, here
is one that includes some of those most often selected by various sites. It
includes the Budweiser Frogs, Cat Herding and The Force, with the kid
in the Darth Vader outfit starting the car.
WWW.CONNECTSCV.COM • JAN. 30 - FEB. 5, 2013
Jim Walker
Don’t Take Me Seriously
neighbor” – which is common in some
’hoods, I hear.
There are many more, so we’ll do this
again sometime.
Comment at jwalker@signalscv.com or at
http://Twitter.com/DontSeriously.
