Don't Take Me Seriously - Book - Page 251
Easy-off jeans
Now with moisturizer
M
aybe I’m the last one to know, but
I just found out that Wrangler will
soon be offering Denim Spa jeans, wherein the fabric of the jeans is infused with
moisturizer.
I kid you not.
The jeans will come with the tagline,
“The soothing touch of nature, now available in jeans.” Three different models will
be available. One is infused with aloe vera
and another with olive extract. The third,
called “Smooth Legs,” contains caffeine,
retinol and algae extract. These ingredients are enclosed in micro-capsules and
embedded in the fiber of the jeans. When
you squeeze into them, the capsules burst
and rub their grease into your skin.
While the aloe vera and olive jeans are
intended to moisturize only, Wrangler
claims the “Smooth Legs” jeans will help
fight cellulite.
Details are still a little sketchy on these
jeans. They aren’t saying how many times
can you wash them and still have them
moisturize your skin.
However, one can assume the other
items in your wash will no longer need
fabric softener.
Now, one can also assume that these
moisturizing jeans will be for women …
but you never know, there might soon be
a rash of cowboys sliding off their saddles. And, before we get into the pretty-much-absurdity of this in general, let’s
take a poke at the specifics.
First, the aloe vera jeans: It occurs to
me that if you need “healing” lotion to be
continuously rubbed into your nether areas, said areas may need to spend less time
up against bad influences to begin with.
Maybe get up and move around now and
then. Get some air under there, Sue.
Olive extract jeans: Oh come on now!
Unless you are working on an Italian-style
rump roast, this is just silly. And if you are
trying to attract a man, via his olfactory
lobes, ladies, you should be using bacon.
The image of salad, brought forth from
the smell of a salad dressing ingredient,
will only bring you a metrosexual.
Jeans with caffeine, retinol and
algae extract: One can imagine, in a holistic sort of way, that a regular retinoll and/
or algae extract rub might provide some
ally?
medicinal benefits. But caffeine, really?
Drink more of it instead of applyingg it. In
he sofa
this way you will probably get off the
ney.
more and so not have the sleepy hiney.
So much for the specifics – now the
concept in general….
Oh come on now!
een
No one needs to moisturize between
their feet and waist for eight to 20 hours
ng
a day – unless she is otherwise getting
chapped in this region for eight to 20
hours a day – which implies wearingg no
pants in the first place.
hought
It really doesn’t take much deep thought
obably
to figure out why Wrangler (and probably
other jeans manufacturers to follow) is
greasing up its women’s jeans.
It’s so the ladies, who wear them so
enticingly tight, can get them on and off.
Remember that TV commercial with that
thin model jumping all over her bedroom
to get her too-tight jeans on? I rest my case.
So, I suppose, this slippery jeans deal is
a win-win for women, and holds the extra
plus for some men, as these greasy-jeans
ladies may drop-trow at odd times when
the “slip” overcomes the “snap.”
However, yours truly would never be so
ungentlemanly as to enjoy this unfortunate circumstance.
Video Link of the Week:
Seeing Superman
hat would you do if you were enjoying the view at the beach and
suddenly Superman flew by? Well, at the very least, you’d do a
double-take. But what if you were alone, without a camera or phone to
get a picture? Would you tell anyone what you’d seen? This short little
video is just really cool … and you have to give kudos to the people who
created this near-life-sized, flying Superman. The only thing missing is
the theme music.
W
http://tinyurl.com/bjtka73
14 | >>
WWW.CONNECTSCV.COM • JAN. 23 - 29, 2013
Jim Walker
Don’t Take Me Seriously
And I can envision the companion jeans
soon-to-come: jeans with built in Nair.
You can defuzz your legs one day and recover from the rash the next with the aloe
vera. Ladies, they will, once again, have
you coming and going.
Comment at jwalker@signalscv.com
or at http://Twitter.com/DontSeriously.
