Don't Take Me Seriously - Book - Page 232
/NE MANS TRASH IS ANOTHER
MANS TRASH
Owning junk can be a crime deterrent
e’ve all heard the old saying many
times: “One man’s trash is another
man’s treasure” – with the point being
that what one shrewd individual deems as
worthless might actually be highly prized
by someone who is a few bricks short of
a load. I mean, this is the whole concept
behind used cars, second marriages and the
Spice Girls performing at the Olympics.
There’s always a fool waiting in the
wings, right?
But, I submit that it’s all an X/Y graph
kind of thing, with the equation being
a direct one, in that the less appealing
anything is, the fewer fools there will be
hungering for it.
Now, if you want someone to take
something off your hands, you try to make
it more appealing. For example, say you are
W
“driving” a clunker that barely runs. Worse
yet, you still owe money on it. Therefore,
to get someone to take it, you increase
the “taking it” convenience and, thereby,
increase its appeal. You park it down near
the docks, with the door open, key in, and
the engine idling. This is called “a purchase
of opportunity.”
Another example would be an ex-wife to
whom you pay alimony. Gifting her with a
gym membership might just help increase
her appeal and encourage the next guy to
“buy you out,” as they say.
On the other hand, if you want to hang
onto something, you have two ways to
go: either decrease its appeal – or build a
bigger fence.
We’ll consider the former.
Say you have a really nice car, but have
to park it on the street because your garage
is too full of old L.L. Bean Catalogues and
boxes of Beanie Babies. To prevent your
precious auto from being stolen at night,
you need to make it look like a beater.
Well, they have clunker car covers for just
this purpose. (See this in action at http://
bit.ly/RRA3B3. It’s amazing.)
And, using the wife example, if
you want to ensure that no one takes
your present wife …. Oh, who are we
kidding?
Now, the absolute best way to
convince the greatest number of people
that your possessions are worthless is
to ensure that they are worthless. I,
personally, subscribe to this philosophy,
and it is the most logical technique to
employ in this economy.
Own junk, keep junk – it’s that
simple.
For example, I’ve been parking my
beater on the streets for months, with
the back seat covered with VHS tapes
– tapes I can play in the portable TV/
VCR that rides shotgun with me. And all
these goodies are plainly visible through
the windows.
Not a finger has been laid.
In fact, the night people must feel sorry
for me, as I find new VHS tapes on my
hood each morning.
Jim Walker
$ONT 4AKE -E 3ERIOUSLY
It’s a similar situation with my 1996
Motorola flip phone. I have forgotten
how many places I have forgotten it at
– and it is always waiting there for me
when I return, with the antenna quivering
hopefully, like a dog wagging its tail.
And finally, in the relationship arena, I
have found the best way to ensure that you
never lose a girlfriend to another guy is
to, well, never have a girlfriend in the first
place. And these columns go a long way
toward that, right?
I’m just sayin’, he who has nothing to
lose, sleeps well.
Comment at
jwalker@the-signal.
com or at http://
Twitter.com/
DontSeriously.
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Ciabatta 4x4 Square
Pagnotta Rustic Oval White
Pagnotta Buckwheat
Mom’s Whole Wheat
Walnuts, Cranberry & Raisin
Pagnotta Rye
Pagnotta Country
Sourdough
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SEPT. 26 - OCT. 2, 2012 s WWW.CONNECTSCV.COM
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