Don't Take Me Seriously - Book - Page 231
Words that sound like … trouble
7HAT YOU SAY ISNT ALWAYS WHAT THEY HEAR
ecause I play with language for a living, and because,
well, I think awkward verbal dealings are fertile
grounds for funny … I bring you this week’s cosmic
query: Is there something deeper going on, at one end or
the other, when you say one word and your listener hears
another word – one with a very different meaning than
you intended to give?
It’s kind of the opposite of a Freudian slip. You see,
Freud felt his slips were your subconscious leaking out
when a consciously intended word or phrase went south
out of your mouth. Take, for example, when a man
mistakenly calls his wife by the name of his mistress. Freud
would say this is his guilt manifesting itself in a desire to
come clean. I say the guy was probably half asleep and
forgot which bed he was in.
Another example of a Freudian slip would be when a
guy is expecting a dinner guest who has a very large nose.
He reminds himself repeatedly to avoid making
any reference to noses at dinner. Then dinner
comes and he says “Please pass the nose” instead
of “Please pass the salt.” This might be a Freudian
slip, but it might also be that the nose was so big
it reached across the table and tripped his tongue.
Now, when your listener mishears a word you
speak, it might be all on his or her subconscious,
or you might, subtly, be tossing out easily
misheard words, with the intention of insulting
your listener and making him or her take the blame for it.
Brilliant, right?
Some people call these mishearings Freudian grabs.
I call them priceless.
I remember a trick we used to play on girls, you know,
back in the day, when I was mean. We’d mumble “Tickle
your ___ with a feather?” And, just before the girl
punched us, we’d plead, “I just said it’s particularly nice
weather.”
And, no, this absolutely never got us any traction.
But it was good practice for more subtle ploys in later
life, right?
Here’s the example that sparked this whole discussion.
So I say to her, “You are amazing.” But she hears me say,
“You are emaciated.”
Ruling out the possibility that I was mumbling (What,
me?), or that the TV was too loud at the time, it was
either her subconscious expecting that criticism – or mine
deliberately setting her up for a fall.
Now, the girl is beautiful, so emaciated doesn’t apply.
So, why would I want her to think she is such?
Could it be the old back-handed compliment, just to
keep her off balance and me in control? … You know, like
“Your hair looks great. It really slims your face.”
And here I drum my fingers together in evil delight.
B
*IM 7ALKER
Don’t Take Me Seriously
Video Link of the Week:
@&AMILY &EUD FAILS 4HE WORST ANSWERS IN SHOW HISTORY
t’s possible that we’ve all seen many of these ridiculous
answers to “Family Feud” questions before … maybe
even when they were first aired, back in the day. But to
have them all rolled into one URL makes it well worth
viewing again. Warning: As you may remember, some of
these answers are a bit off color. I will say that, when I see
these sorts of things, I always wonder, “Are these people
putting me on?”
I
http://bit.ly/QMpM6F
8 | >>
WWW.CONNECTSCV.COM s SEPT. 19 - 25, 2012
Buuhaha.
But no, I swear on a stack of maxed-out credit cards
that I only intended good things with my “amazing”
compliment. And so, that only leaves her subconscious
filtering that into “emaciated.”
We’ll analyze that in a moment.
But first I have to mention the second auditory gaffe
that evening.
So I say “I adore you” (whether I meant it or it was only
a manipulation, doesn’t matter) but she hears “I ignore
you.”
And while her interpretation was just as valid as my
intention, I put it all on her for this one.
So what defect in her psyche causes her to hear the bad
when I intend the good?
Simply put, it’s the double X chromosome. Any veteran
of the gender wars could tell you as much. Because women
don’t have the Y, they must always go looking for it … as
in “Why did you say that?”
And, because men do have it, well, we’re always looking
for trouble.
So brothers, watch out what you say.
Comment at jwalker@the-signal.com or at http://Twitter.
com/DontSeriously.
