Don't Take Me Seriously - Book - Page 227
ESCAPE Weeklyt
Aug. 24 - 30, 2012tUIFTJHOBMDPN
The intoxication of hyphenation
T
That tiny little dash can really turn things in new and comical directions
hough I was sorely tempted to
Now, the example that was first
continue with malapropisms
brought to my attention, and which
this week (unintentional use of
motivated this discussion, was this: The
the wrong word), as there are so many
word “warmup” started on one line in
of them popping up out there all the
a story, and had to break to continue
time, I will limit myself to
onto the next line. FYI,
the one I came across that
AP Style allows warmup
tempted me. The sentence I
to be one, unhyphenated
read was: “Our organization
word, which may have
follows these three tenants
confused the final design
....” Here, the intended word
program that had to work
was tenets (creed, doctrine,
with it — but no excuses.
code of belief). But, in using
Logically, and syllable-wise,
tenants, the sentence created
warmup should break into
a mental image of an entire
“warm-” on the first line
Jim
Walker
organization stalking three
and “up” on the second.
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unfortunate people who
However, that program,
innocently rented rooms in the back of
left to its own devices, chose to make
the building.
it “war-” “mups,” which made me
How scary would that be, right —
chuckle and brought to mind visions of
especially if they all followed you to
killer Muppets sent from outer space to
the bathroom?
destroy all life on Earth.
No, no more malapropisms for now.
Here are some other programToday we will put the magnifying glass
generated hyphenations that alter the
to “soft” hyphenation — specifically the
intent in intoxicatingly funny ways:
arbitrary way computer text programs
Manslaughter becomes mans-laughter.
break up words that continue from one
Legend becomes leg-end.
line to another. Most of the time, the
Restrain becomes rest-rain.
hyphenation introduced occurs where
Pronouncement is pronoun-cement.
it should, between appropriate syllables
Brainscanner becomes brains-canner.
in the word. But every now and then,
Surgeon becomes surge-on.
the program makes its own executive
Generations becomes gene-rations.
decision. And we all know what happens
Notables becomes not-ables.
when the inmates run the asylum.
Managing becomes man-aging.
Malediction becomes male-diction
(otherwise known as cussing).
Dormant becomes dorm-ant.
Yellow becomes yell-ow.
Weeknight becomes wee-knight.
And therapist becomes the-rapist.
Now, of course, one couldn’t
leave this “hyphenation” topic
without mentioning the manuallycreated engagement and wedding
announcement titles that show up in
the newspaper. I mean, Jay Leno mines
this gold on his show all the time.
Consider the Moore-Bacon wedding.
I’ll bet the reception had a buffet.
Then there is the Dunnam-Favors
pairing. After so many favors, anything
less than a wedding would not be a
sufficient reward.
I saw an announcement for a
Traylor-Hooker union. I imagine this
“wedding” might be repeated nightly.
On the other hand, there’s a chance
the Little-Gay pairing could be in
trouble from the start.
A Gowen-Geter wedding sounds
like the Hatfields may plan to take her
from the McCoys — as does the HuntKapture engagement.
I hear the Hardy-Harr reception was
a lot of laughs, but no one really knows
where the Wendt-Adaways traveled for
their honeymoon.
And, finally, I’d be very careful
Thinkstock
Beware the War Mups.
about attending the Looney-Warde
union. You might have to stay 72 hours
or more.
As I outlined on page 2, this will be
the last issue of Escape. My Don’t Take
Me Seriously columns will now be found
in Connect SCV, which comes to you
every Wednesday. So please follow me
there, because this world will not improve
unless we all stay on task.
Comment at jwalker@the-signal.com
or at http://Twitter.com/DontSeriously.
