Don't Take Me Seriously - Book - Page 221
Preparing for the inevitable insult after injury
T
here was another
“high-speed” police chase on television this week. But,
don’t worry, I’m not going to rework that topic.
However, as that
chase wound down, one
thought occurred to me.
As the inevitable bad
end to this particular adventure approached,
mightn’t the f leeing driver want to call someone?
I mean, as the odds of
a fatal crash increase,
he’s probably going to
want to say goodbye to
his mom. And even if
he’s only going to jail, he
might want the wife to
know where he’s spending that night.
The point is, the guy
is probably on his cellphone toward the end of
the chase, if only to call
his buddy and ask how
the chase looks on TV.
But my question then becomes, “Would the cops
Jim
WALKER
DON’T TAKE ME SERIOUSLY
add a cellphone ticket to
the fugitive’s long list of
offenses that day, or let
the small stuff slide?”
Picture the possible
charges: attempted robbery, grand theft auto, refusal to stop for an officer, excessive rate of
speed, reckless driving,
public endangerment,
leaving the scene of an
accident, vehicular manslaughter, DUI, mayhem,
mental cruelty, public
stupidity, social faux pas
… and finally, operating
a cellphone while driving, with this last probably making the guy say
“Really?!”
It would be adding insult to injury, my friends,
and provides the motivation for today’s topic.
And we’re off …
Now, to “add insult to
injury” basically means
to hurt a person’s feelings after you’ve already
done them real harm. But
any added oomph will
fit. Here are a few examples:
Consider the dramatic court-martials you see
in movies. They’re drumming the poor schlub
out of the army, he’s losing his livelihood and
his honor – and then they
wreck his shirt while
tearing off his stripes.
That’s just hateful,
right? It’s a classic example of adding insult to injury (AITI).
Another classic dra-
matic example is in “The
Count of Monte Cristo.”
Here, one of the three
conspirators who cause
the hero to be imprisoned
also marries the hero’s
fiance while he is locked
away.
That’s just mean.
There are less “classic” examples of AITI,
of course, but they are no
less painful.
How about attending an all-night frat party, and waking up with a
nasty hangover? There’s
your injury. And the insult is when you find
out that, while you were
passed out on the sofa,
your friends dressed you
in diapers and posted the
photos on Facebook.
Funny? Of course.
Well deserved? Probably. An example of AITI?
Well, YOU definitely see
it that way, though, technically, you injured yourself. Your friends were
only doing their jobs.
And then there’s the
kind of AITI that the universe puts on you. You
wake up to realize you’ve
turned 40 (the injury) and find out you can
no longer read the print
on your birthday cards
without magnification
(the insult). But this also
comes under the heading
of KAMWHD (kicking a
man when he’s down).
Of course, there’s always the verbal sleightof-hand AITI. You’ve
said something horrific to someone, hurt them
emotionally in a major
way, and they really deserve an apology from
you. But you apologize
thusly, “I’m sorry that
you took it that way.”
Not only have you
emotionally injured them
with your first statement,
now you’ve belittled their
perception of events and,
basically, called them
paranoid.
This is not only AITI,
it is also TTK (twisting
the knife), which is really just adding injury to
injury.
And, finally, consider:
You’ve been knocked out
by a rough body-check
during a hockey game. I
mean, things are so bad
that they have to immobilize you on a stretcher
to cart you away … and
then the stretcher guys
dump you on the f loor.
If that ain’t AITI, I don’t
know what is.
And, yeah, you
can view it at www.
youtube.com/
watch?v=0yxLlZkknv0.
Just remember, when
you’ve been injured …
clench up and cover your
head. The insult can’t be
far away.
Comment at jwalker@the-signal.com or at
http://Twitter.com/DontSeriously.
