Don't Take Me Seriously - Book - Page 197
Featured commentary
Combating the inertia of the inept
S
o, as I begin writing this
column, it is Groundhog
Day. And I read that
Punxsutawney Phil saw his
shadow today, and so there will be
six more weeks of winter. Now,
this begs the question: Does that
“winter” apply to all of us, or
only to Punxsutawney, Pa., and
surrounding areas?
It doesn’t matter. In SoCal,
the term “winter” is more an
indicator of a season of reduced
barbecuing than it is an indicator
of real weather patterns. So, six
more weeks of winter only means
you have some time left to fix the
lawnmower. (Though, you’ll still
have to hack back those spots on
your grass where your neighbor’s
shih tzu “fertilizes” for you.)
That aside, on this day I think
deeply about Punxsutawney Phil.
Metaphorically speaking, anyway,
he “comes out of his hole” on
Groundhog Day to look for his
shadow.
So, metaphorically speaking, I
Jim
WALKER
DON’T TAKE ME SERIOUSLY
will do the same.
And, as I do, I find that a really
big, dark, well-defined shadow is
following me. It is very apparent
that the winter of my discontent
has no intention of thawing any
time soon.
I realize that I am under the
deadly influence of inertia.
You see, it’s February already,
and though I explicitly avoided
making any New Year’s resolutions,
I somehow can’t avoid the guilt over
failing to accomplish them.
“Huh?” you say.
“Listen up,” I say.
Just because I didn’t give voice
or pen to any goals for 2012,
doesn’t mean I don’t need some.
I mean, I really, really need
some.
This life of pure hedonism,
which my lavish salary supports, is
only wasting time and brain cells.
I need to come up out of my hole
and, well, get on with it.
“With what?” you ask.
“How am I supposed to know?”
I reply.
But I do know this. As good
old Isaac Newton put it, unless
acted upon by a force, inertia is the
tendency of an object in motion to
remain in motion, or the tendency
of an object at rest to remain at rest.
I have been at rest too long, my
friends. Way too long.
And so, I will put the force on
myself. I will start some forward
motion.
Literally.
Because, at this time, inertia is
clouding my brain and rendering
me inept and incapable of coming
up with any detailed, progressive
goals. … I am going to alter my
inertia in the forward direction by
actual forward motion.
Picture Forrest Gump running
and running and running, for no
reason he understands, and you
will have an idea of my intentions.
I am going to start physically
moving forward and hope that,
when the endorphins kick in,
the meditation of pounding the
pavement will make all things
clear, and more defined goals will
bestow themselves upon me.
So, now I put it to you. Does
inertia have its hold on you, my
good gentles?
Are you in need of forward
motion and well-defined goals?
Now, I’m not talking about
making more money or losing
some weight or limiting your gaspassing to the great outdoors.
Those are fine as goals, in
themselves.
No, what I’m referring to here
are the kinds of goals that make
your existence really worth
something, the kinds of things that
you’ve been skirting around your
whole life because they seemed
too difficult or too altruistic. I’m
talking about the kinds of things
that will look good on the resume
of your time on the planet — the
justification for your consumption
of natural resources.
And so, I metaphorically smack
the ball into your court.
You decide. Is it time to change
your inertia?
I hope to see you out there, my
friends, maybe on McBean and
environs. If you want, you can pull
in behind me like those folks who
followed Gump.
But don’t expect any
enlightenment to come from me.
At this point, I haven’t got a clue.
And, anyway, you’ve got to solve
your own inertia problems.
I’m just running into the wind of
the future, and hoping it will clear
my head.
And also hoping I don’t get
another chest cold or, you know,
pull a hammy.
Even metaphorically.
Comment at jwalker@thesignal.com or at http://Twitter.com/
DontSeriously.
