Don't Take Me Seriously - Book - Page 188
Stress
Continued from A1
ing father.
Maybe you scheduled
your jury duty for the holiday weeks, expecting to
not be called in — and, of
course, you were chosen to
be on the “Miracle on 34th
Street” jury, deciding, on
Christmas Eve, whether the
guy was Santa or crazy.
In this, you would be
considered fictional, because there wasn’t even a
jury.
Or maybe you really sought out stress, choosing to close escrow simultaneously on your existing
home and your new home
this week.
In this, you would be
considered criminally insane.
In any case, there are
those of us out here who
are complete masochists,
purposely scheduling lifealtering events and decisions around Christmas
and New Year’s, with the
crackpot hope that, somehow, the sentiment of the
season will chime in and
make these turn out well,
and that the new year will
truly offer a new and positive beginning.
Beyond the shocked
looks and peals of laughter
your crises elicit from those
who realize what you’re up
to, the surest signs that you
are taking on too much are
the increasing tightness in
your chest, the twitching in
your left eye, and the fact
you’re panting like a hot
kitty cat.
Just for atmosphere, let’s
take a look at how few are
the major events in history
that were scheduled for the
Christmas season — and
turned out well.
First, of course, is Jesus’
birth. While you can debate
what time of year it actually
happened, whenever it happened, it was automatically
Christmas time. You can’t
have one without the other. Though some may disagree, I figure this event
turned out pretty well, so
kudos to the guy who took
a chance planning it.
Then, of course, there is
George Washington’s
crossing of the Delaware
River to attack Trenton on
Christmas Eve, 1776.
George got lucky here, and
it was a big success — but I
hear he was having trouble
breathing that night, and it
is well known the return
crossing suffered because
all his boys drank captured
Hessian rum to relieve their
stress.
Here, I run out of
posiWLYHV«
The only other holiday
season biggie I can think of
was the Battle of the Bulge,
and this did not go well for
the Germans, who planned
it. In fact, no one really had
any fun with it.
As those with some sanity realize, there are countless stress-inducing things
you might schedule for the
holidays that would probably be better planned for
some other time. A few of
these would include:
job interviews,
high school reunions,
interventions,
weddings,
marriage proposals,
(Though the season is sentimental, it is rhymed that
shopper’s stress won’t help
get a “yes.”)
kitchen remodels,
flash mobs,
plastic surgery and
coming out.
I’m sure you can think
of many more. Remember, when the thought of it
makes you itch, maybe it
should wait until after the
holidays. There’s enough
stress in your stocking already.
Comment at jwalker@
the-signal.com or Twitter
at http://Twitter.com/
DontSeriously.
