Don't Take Me Seriously - Book - Page 184
Featured commentary
Animal idioms — if only they knew
A
few months ago, we took
a look at the interesting intricacies of idioms,
and I ended that column by noting that I had more of those little
gems up my sleeve.
Well I do — and here you are:
As explained before, an idiom should not be taken literally.
The phrase “it’s raining cats and
dogs” was given as an example.
What this popular idiom means,
as you know, is that “it’s raining
really, really hard.” (Some say the
streets of old London used to flow
with the carcasses of dead cats and
dogs during a heavy rain, which
may have given rise to the idiom.)
Now, someday, “when pigs fly,”
it might rain pigs. I mean, it is well
known pigs are “road hogs” on the
ground, being too busy putting on
lipstick or “hamming it up,” and
flying would only cause this to be
even more dangerous, resulting in
Jim find out it is not true that “his
WALKER
DON’T TAKE ME SERIOUSLY
a lot of midair collisions and subsequent fallings from the sky. And
trying to get pigs to follow airtraffic control would be like tossing “pearls before swine.”
As you can see, animals are popular subjects in idioms, probably because animals take everything so literally, and it’s fun to confuse them.
Consider dogs. When you use
an idiom on a dog, he just tilts
his head and looks at you quizzically. And though he might
“prick up (or pick up) his ears,”
he still won’t get it. This is true
even if he has had many years of
experience tolerating your madness, which proves “you can’t
teach an old dog new tricks.”
On the other hand, you might
bark is worse than his bite” if you
don’t “let sleeping dogs lie,” especially if he’s “meaner than a junkyard dog” and “there’s life in the
old dog yet.”
Now cats, on the other hand,
like to keep you guessing. While
they are actually as clueless as
dogs are when you offer them
idioms, cats just act like they
haven’t heard you, and keep their
eyes closed, pretending to “take
a cat nap,” hoping you will go
away, and imagining how wonderful it would be if the “cat got
your tongue.” They “play cat and
mouse” with you, unwilling to believe you might react poorly and
“see which way the cat jumps” or
find out the hard way there “isn’t
room to swing a cat.”
Now, it only “makes horse
sense” that you “hold your horses”
and “don’t look a gift horse in the
mouth,” even if he’s a “horse of a
different color,” because you might
get something you don’t want
“straight from the horse’s mouth.”
Similarly, you “don’t count
your chickens before they
hatch,” because you might have
some “bad eggs,” most likely
as a result of your rooster being
“no spring chicken.”
Now, people will often tell you
to “take the bull by the horns,”
which is “a load of bull,” because
it would be “like waving a red rag
at a bull,” and he will get all “bullheaded” and bust you up like he
would a china shop.
Bird idioms run the full range
from highly complimentary to
downright insulting. For instance, you can be “as free as a
bird” or “as graceful as a swan”
(awww). You can be “proud as
a peacock” or “wise as an owl.”
But you can also be “as silly as a
goose,” “as naked as a jaybird,”
“as bald as a coot,” “as crazy as
a loon” or “an albatross around
someone’s neck.”
And “a bird in the hand is worth
two in the bush,” but if that hand
“flips the bird,” well, someone
could end up “dead as a dodo.”
And, finally, we are told “a
woman needs a man like a fish
needs a bicycle,” though she might
wake up beside some guy if she
“drinks like a fish.” And if her
husband comes home early from
his business trip, things could be
like “shooting fish in a barrel” and
they both could end up “sleeping
with the fishes,” which is “a fine
kettle of fish.” But the husband
will be OK because “there are
plenty of fish in the sea.”
Never fear, we’ll do this again.
Comment at jwalker@thesignal.com or Twitter http://Twitter.
com/DontSeriously.
