Don't Take Me Seriously - Book - Page 165
Featured commentary
In celebration of many weird pairings
F
inding ourselves in the
doldrums and emptiness left
in our lives by the complete
fizzle of Carmageddon, I think we
are all in need of a pick-me-up.
Why not a new holiday?
And so, I propose that July 22
be hereafter recognized as Weird
Pairings Day.
I mean this holiday seems as
helpful to the functioning of society
as most others, and I have it on the
best authority that July 22, 1967,
was the day Jimi Hendrix became
fed up with his own weird pairing
and quit his gig of opening for the
Monkees on their tour.
I kid you not, Hendrix was
opening for the Monkees.
I mean, it’s hard enough to
picture Hendrix as the warm-up
act for anybody, let alone trying to
entertain a Monkees-type, pre-teen
audience (and their mothers) with
“Purple Haze.”
Jim
WALKER
DON’T TAKE ME SERIOUSLY
And, as it turns out, it was a bust
from the start, as the Monkees’
scornful fans would drown
Hendrix’s music out by chanting
things such as “We want Davey!”
Ah, well-mannered youth.
Hendrix needed the exposure
— and weird pairings are always
possible when there’s a paycheck
involved.
So, today, we celebrate them.
Take, for instance, David Bowie
and Bing Crosby singing a duet of
“Little Drummer Boy.” I mean, the
song is actually very pretty, but you
feel a little unsettled watching the
video. It’s like seeing Mr. Rogers meet
the undead — and the only thing they
can think to do is bust out in song.
And there are other such musical
mismatches, including Elton John
with Eminem; Stevie Wonder with
the Jonas Brothers; and the good old
Bone Thugs-N-Harmony with Phil
Collins.
Let us not forget the ill-fitting
romantic leads that get cast together
in movies. Consider Harrison Ford
with Anne Heche. How about Tom
Cruise with Nicole Kidman? Or Tom
Cruise with Cameron Diaz? Come to
think of it, these days, pairing Tom
Cruise romantically with anybody
will give you the willies.
Of course, we have weird pairings
of other types in movies. With
many people looking forward to
“Cowboys & Aliens,” which comes
to theaters next week, it should be
noted that cowboys have done some
pretty strange things before. In
“The Valley of Gwangi” (1969), for
instance, they lassoed a T. Rex and
wrestled a pterodactyl.
Real-life pairings can be pretty
strange themselves. And while you
might have some married friends
who appear to have found each other
in dark rooms, in the light of fame,
we all can think of a few weird and
notable couples, including Anna
Nicole Smith with that old guy; Liza
Minnelli with David Gest; Woody
Allen with his girlfriend’s daughter;
and Larry King with, well, anyone.
Of lesser fame and greater interest
is that woman who married the
Berlin Wall.
When it comes to literature (or
TV or cartoons, take your pick),
you’ve got some pretty odd pairings,
including Sancho Panza and Don
Quixote (Who was really in charge
there?); Peter Pan and Tinker Bell
(which always set me to wondering);
Batman and Robin (enough said);
and Dr. Evil and Mini Me (brilliant).
And of course, you’ve got the
interesting word juxtapositions,
or oxymorons, such as George
Carlin’s “military intelligence” and
“mandatory options” — or nonCarlins such as “civil war,” “act
naturally, “found missing,” “old
news,” “open secret,” “tight slacks”
and “pretty ugly.”
And finally, we’ve got weird
food combinations or food and
wine pairings. Here, pretty much
anything goes. And while you
will certainly have your own odd
delectables to serve during your
Weird Pairings Day celebratory
dinner, you might consider peanut
butter and jalapenos, Fritos and
mustard or a bacon and banana
sandwich. Or, try champagne with
Tater Tots, spicy red wine with
Slim Jims or a crisp white with
SpaghettiOs.
The best part of Weird Pairings
Day is that anything goes.
So let’s pair up and party!
Comment at jwalker@the-signal.
com or Twitter @DontSeriously.
