Don't Take Me Seriously - Book - Page 148
Cow-jumping leads to life affirmations
M
any of you probably saw
that little piece in the news
the other day about the German girl whose parents wouldn’t buy
her a horse. So in a classic and imaginative example of not taking “no”
for an answer, she decided to ride a
cow.
And she doesn’t just ride the cow
slowly around the barnyard, either.
She saddles it up, climbs aboard,
dressed in her dressage outfit, and
together, they jump over small fences
as if they were competing before an
adoring crowd.
My friends, this absolutely cannot go without comment and serious
contemplation by us all, for the fate
of the human race — nay, of life on
Earth itself — is predictable through
this little bit of interspecies cooperation and pluck.
Through this, I am assured we
shall endure all trials.
Now, who knows what sort of
mindset Regina, the girl, had when
she undertook this unusual sport.
Maybe she was just trying to guilttrip her parents, or get back at them
by turning a good milk cow into a
dried-up, muscle-bound athlete.
Maybe she wanted to embarrass
her parents on an international scale.
Or maybe she just really, really wanted to ride something.
Jim
WALKER
DON’T TAKE ME SERIOUSLY
But the fact remains she slowly,
over time and with gentle methods,
trained that cow to appreciate the
aerial arts.
Of course, we have even fewer
clues as to the mindset of the cow —
which is named Luna, and I suspect
by no accident (Luna, Spanish for
moon, cow jumped over the moon
and so on). The report is that the cow
jumps when she feels like it, which
makes the feat even more impressive
because the cow has a choice here
and chooses to be something special.
I don’t know, maybe Luna was influenced by the parachuting cows
in Chick-fil-A commercials, but her
chutzpah just makes me want to eat
her all up (just kidding, Luna).
This whole business is both comedic and heroic at the same time, and
it gives me reason to live.
Now, I’m sure, when they make
the movie, they’ll find a way to
throw some tears in and go for the
full schmaltz cycle. It will proba-
bly be something like the girl and
cow gain fame and so the girl gains
cash and so she buys a horse to do
the jumping and, like Puff the Magic Dragon, Luna will get left behind. They’ll make it seem sooo sad.
But Luna won’t really mind going
back to the milking barn. She’ll have
proved her point:
A cow is only a cow, if and when it
chooses to be.
Food for thought (and, again,
Luna, I kid because I love).
Now, Luna is not the first animal to win respect and fame. Think
of Seabiscuit, Balto, Jumbo, Punxsutawney Phil, Mighty Mouse and
Biff the Magic Wolverine. But cows
generally don’t ascend into the pantheon of greatness, being, at best,
mildly admired for their tipping
moves and pie-making abilities. And
their highest award is usually an “invite” to a barbecue.
But, occasionally, even the bull
at a bullfight gets rewarded for his
courage — receiving, instead of
death, a long life of ease and, you
know, “siring.”
Luna deserves no less. And while
we’re at it, let’s all chip in for a statue.
You see, we can all take a cue from
both Regina and Luna. The truth is,
you really never have to take “no” for
an answer.
I mean, ask any stalker.
But, beyond that, this cow-jumping is proof you can be anything
you imagine yourself to be. Regina imagined herself riding around
on a few hundred pounds of something, and she made it happen,
against all odds. (And it’s probably
a good thing Luna caught Regina’s
attention before her big Aunt Bertha
came for a visit.)
Luna, on the other hand, must have
had bigger plans, say, like becoming
an international celebrity and cover
girl for Modern Bovine.
She is an inspiration to us all.
When cows can jump, pigs will
fly and apes will ape. But you still
shouldn’t try to fox the fox, rat on the
rat or monkey with the monkey …
achem.
Point is, if you will only keep your
eyes open, you will find life is filled
with humorous and uplifting little
gems that mean more, in the cosmic,
life-affirming sense, than do the pyramids.
And I will ferret them out for you.
“Go Luna!”
Do not send your contributions
for the Luna statue to jwalker@
the-signal.com, but do Tweet your
thoughts at @DontSeriously and @
SCVSignal.
