Don't Take Me Seriously - Book - Page 145
Walker
Continued from A1
“spins” on them, indicating
the likelihood of their outcomes being positive or negative?
Take for instance:
Texting while driving: (sad
face)
Purchasing $100 worth of
lottery tickets: (sad face)
Charlie Sheen and “winning”: (sad face)
Not drinking “one for the
road”: (happy face)
Not drinking with Charlie
Sheen: (happy face)
Not drinking at all: (sad
face)
Donating to tsunami relief:
(happy face)
Helping an old lady across
the street: (happy face)
Giving that ready-to-puke
girl a ride home from the party: (sad face)
Now, one can picture these
face icons appearing over
people’s heads during the
turning points in conversations — sort of like the old
“light bulb” showing up to indicate when someone has an
idea. Maybe the icons would
even show up with corresponding sound effects. The
happy face would, maybe,
come with a pleasant “ding,”
and the sad face, of course,
would be accompanied by an
irritating buzzer.
Imagine, if you will. ...
The response “I’ll get to it
right away”: When this response is coming from someone you have leverage on
— say your starving employee — a happy face will pop
up and the ding will sound.
It will get done right away.
But if, instead, the response
is coming from your teenage
son — yup — sad face and
buzzer. You know he’s just
blowing you off.
These visual and sound
cues would, of course, come
in most handy in those conversational situations where
the outcome is not so obvious. I mean, sometimes, the
check is in the mail. But you
need the cues to know the
difference. This is especially
true in romantically-charged
circumstances.
Consider ...
Her statement, “Here’s my
number”: A happy face and
ding means that really IS her
number she’s giving you. A
sad face and buzzer alerts
you, even before you sober
up, to the fact she wrote “555”
as the area code.
Your response, “No, honey,
you look good in that dress”:
A happy face and ding would
have her humming as she
does her hair. A sad face and
buzzer gets you back to the
marriage counselor.
Her statement, “Thank
you, I had a good time, and
let’s do this again”: A happy face and ding tells you
that you can probably step in
for the goodnight kiss. And
even if you get a sad face and
buzzer, it doesn’t mean she
had a bad time. It just means
the “good” part of her evening was spent making out
with your roommate — while
you were out picking up the
Chinese food.
Your statement, “I’ll call
you later”: A happy face and
ding tells her you will call,
and well within the three-day,
socially-acceptable limit. A
sad face and buzzer means
she probably shouldn’t have
passed gas in the car on the
way home from dinner.
And, finally, when she
makes the breakup statement, “It’s not you, it’s me”:
A happy face would indicate
… oh, who are we kidding.
“Buzz,” it’s always you.
I’m just saying, in life,
sometimes you need a little
help from the judges.
(Insert happy face here.)
Comment at jwalker@thesignal.com or
@DontSeriously or
@SCVSignal.
