Don't Take Me Seriously - Book - Page 118
ESCAPE Weekly
Oct. 8 - 14, 2010 – 16
As fickle as the weather
Are you hot, feeling sunny, a touch misty or in a fog?
I
t’s cool this afternoon as I write
appearance is improving. It means
this — mid-60s, breezy, cloudy
she is getting angry, which is not so
and it might drizzle. Just a few
attractive. It can also mean she is “in
days ago it was scorching in the
the zone,” and about to wax the floor
100s — or should I say stifling, as
with you in some sort of competition
the humidity was high along with
— or that she’s getting really close to
that heat. And, in between the hot
the secret object in the hot/cold game.
and cool days, there were
Cool: To say someone
a couple sticky days that
is “cool” is to hold him in
included thunder and
high regard. Yet this has
some real rain.
only been true for a few
Basically, in the last
generations. Previous to
week or so, we’ve had
that, someone who was
everything but snow. It’s
said to be cool was being
been kinda schizo, and
described as “unfriendly.”
offered something for
However, “staying cool”
everyone — to complain
has always meant staying
Jim Walker
about, that is.
Don’t Take Me Seriously calm and showing no
You see, it’s probable
emotion or fear. This may
that, on any given day,
have led to the modern
with any given weather, someone you
perception of cool. Since being
know is going to be unhappy about
thought of as cool is really all about
the conditions. It’s human nature.
your attitude, even the un-cool can
And though you’ve probably never
become cool, just by acting cool —
thought about it, human nature is
which is, you know, cool.
just like the weather — fickle and,
Cold: While “getting cold” means
well, just all over the place. That’s
the opposite of getting hot in the hot/
why we use so many weather-words to cold game, otherwise it just means
describe it.
you’re losing heat. But a person
Take, for instance….
who is described as “cold” is usually
Warm: When you say someone
considered to be without human
is “warm,” you usually mean he is
feeling, relatively emotionless and
considerate, affectionate, sympathetic, often romantically unresponsive. And,
giving and comfortable to be around.
speaking of romantically unresponsive,
We like these people because they are
we too-often put the label “cold” on
pushovers who will take our abuse —
those whose only crime is to find us
and never hesitate to loan us their cars. unattractive — you know, for the
Sunny: A person who is “sunny”
same face-saving reason we question
is typically happy and cheerful. This
their sexual orientation.
can be a good thing, you know, for
Frosty: “Frosty” is sort of “cold”
attracting stray dogs and such. But if
on offense, in that someone who is
someone is always happy and cheerful, frosty is totally devoid of warmth and
well, this just indicates a low IQ.
cordiality, and actively expressing
Ignorance is bliss, you see.
unfriendliness. And while old “Frosty”
Hot: When someone is described
the Snowman would seem to be the
as “hot,” it usually relates to good
opposite of this, in actuality he proves
looks. But when you say she is
the point. It turns out he was passive“getting hot,” it doesn’t mean her
aggressive, doing the whole melting
Metro Creative Connection
thing just to make kids cry.
Icy: “Icy” is pretty much the same
as frosty, but, you know, harder when
you bang your head against it. Don’t
try to warm an icy person. You’ll only
slip and fall.
Gloomy: Someone who is said to
be “gloomy” is taking a little excursion
to the dark side, and is filled with
melancholy and despondency. We like
these people because they make the
rest of us seem sunny by comparison.
Misty: He was “getting all misty”
means he was getting all full of tender
emotion and sentiment. This is never
a good thing for him. Seriously, never.
Even when she says she wants him to
be more vulnerable, she’s just repeating
what she read in Cosmo. He’ll get
misty, and she will tell him “That’s so
sweet” — and then she’ll go looking
for a bad boy.
Foggy: If you are “foggy,” you are
dazed, stunned, confused and slow to
react. And this is how he will feel after
she dumps him for being too misty.
Cloudy: You can be a bit “cloudy”
on the concept, which can mean you
are foggy, or it can mean the person
explaining the concept is a bit foggy,
or that the concept is lame.
Breezy: To be “breezy” is to
be fresh and animated, light and
superficial. These people are normally
users, letting you bake the cake while
they lick the frosting.
Stormy: Someone who is “stormy”
is dominated by or subject to strong
emotions or disturbances. At the drop
of a hat he can “cloud up and rain all
over you.”
Balmy: If you say someone is
“balmy” it doesn’t mean she is mild
and pleasant like balmy weather. It
means that you are British — and she
is mentally irregular.
So, whether your moods change
with the weather, or you stay gloomy
for months at a time, keep in mind
that people may be applying those
weather-word labels to you. You
really don’t want to be known as
cold or balmy or even too sunny. In
fact, the only label you won’t mind
having is “cool.”
jwalker@the-signal.com
