Don't Take Me Seriously - Book - Page 115
ESCAPE Weekly
Sept. 24 - Sept. 30, 2010 – 6
Buy high and sell low
Are there really times when not profiting is profiting?
W
door closing, another opening kind
hat is profit?
The dictionary defines of thing that the have-nots always
profit as (1) “an excess of pitch you in lame attempts to put a
income over expenditure” or (2) “an bow on their poverty.
And I bought into their whole
advantage or benefit derived from
upside-down pyramid scheme a long
an activity.”
time ago.
Businessmen most appreciate the
Fitting neatly into
former definition, and
this financial cul-dephilosophers the latter.
sac, and whether a result
But here’s the rub
of intent or accident, I
about the first meaning.
am a charter member of
An excess of income is
the Buy High, Sell Low
usually a benefit — but
Rangers — with our
not always.
motto, “We live to give.”
And a shortfall of income
Yes, it’s true. We
is usually a detriment — but
f
ind
our ultimate
not always.
Jim Walker
An example of the
Don’t Take Me Seriously fulf illment in watching
our hard-earned money
former “not always”
f ly away like white
would be when you earn
doves to bless those who have
that extra $100, which kicks you
taken advantage of us.
into a higher income bracket, which
We love nothing more than
costs you $1,000 at tax time. (This,
selling our houses for less than they
despite all your “donations” to
are worth, buying defective and
Goodwill.)
overpriced used cars, purchasing
Still other examples would be
name brand items at big name stores
Paris Hilton’s behavior and Donald
the day before they go on sale, and
Trump’s hairdo — both the result
going down for the full round of
of too much income rubbing out
“needed” services at the Greasy
good sense.
Lube. And our highest times come
An example of the latter “not
when we’re dishing out for those 22
always” would be when a shortfall
percent credit card interest rates.
of income results in your qualifying
It’s the rapture, my friends.
for food stamps. That’s a good thing,
Now, you might think the current
right? Or, thinking bigger, it might
be when you are living on the streets economy would delight us bum-deal
Rangers. However, the opposite is
and meet that dying billionaire (not
true. You see, when everyone around
Trump) who takes pity and leaves
us is taking it in the shorts, we no
his fortune to you.
longer feel special. Our pain no
I hear this happens all the time
and is, in fact, my next one-year plan. longer provides an elitist spiritual
Now, embracing the philosopher’s liberation, but, instead, becomes the
dull and deadly average. And we no
point of view, finding yourself with
longer have a “higher” justification
a shortfall of income can always be
for eating government cheese three
seen as profiting if you toast it with
times a day.
enough sunshine. It’s the whole less
What to do then? How will we
is more/spiritual enlightenment/one
Metro Creative Connection
This “deal” might appear sketchy, yet there could be opportunities for personal growth here. Riiight.
Rangers get back to paradise?
I propose our own brand of cutyourself entertainment. I propose the
Xtreme Poverty Games.
I can picture it now: “Aaaand, in
this corner, at six feet-two and 90
pounds, and making a living selling
blood, it’s Raaanger Rooobert!”
In the Extreme Poverty Games
contestants could cage-f ight to the
death for crackers, or bungee jump
to see who can grab an apple off
a plate without, you know, going
too far.
“Ohhh! That’s gotta hurt, Bob.”
“Ye-uck. I guess having his teeth
whitened was a waste, Ted.”
But I digress…
Forgetting about my personal
mantra of bad business for the
moment and exploring the second
definition of profit — “an advantage
or benefit derived from an activity”
— we note that those rosy-visioned
philosophers would have us believe
profit awaits us everywhere, in
both the cash form and the divine
form. It’s just a matter of seeing it.
I am told that in every trial, there
is opportunity. Well, personally, I
think that’s a load of hooey. But in
lieu of any cold cash on hand, and
with the red badge of bad investment
no longer setting me above the
general population, what have I got
to lose?
I’ll bite.
From now on I’ll use my third eye
to scope out opportunity where pain,
degradation, heartache and financial
ruin ride as the four horsemen. I
will reach into dark holes, expecting
to grasp a gold nugget instead of a
rattlesnake. I will park in the fast
lane of the freeway, expecting to
meet my soulmate.
‘T’sallgood.
Step one in this evolution is to
buy high and sell low, to open up the
consciousness. Step two is then to let
opportunity come a knockin’.
I’ve already got the first step
down, my friends. Way ahead of ya.
jwalker@the-signal.com
