Don't Take Me Seriously - Book - Page 103
ESCAPE Weekly
May 21 - 27, 2010 – 4
What price fame?
When being ‘famous’ comes down to who can act the
most infantile, it’s time for the rest of us to stop caring
T
That’s one guy for a whole century.
he famous explorer/conquistador
Then things skip to the 1200s for a
Hernando de Soto died on this day
couple more kings. There’s another king in
in 1542. Yep, on May 21 of that
year, HdS kicked it while searching for gold the 1400s, and a premier, a “ruler” and our
buddy de Soto in the 1500s.
near the Mississippi River.
In the 1600s you get maybe eight people,
Why do I remind you of this?
including poets, for pity’s sake. There’s a
Because he earned his fame at a time
similar number in the 1700s, but now we’ve
when it meant something.
got poets and pharmacists.
Whether you agree with de
We jump to 13 folks in
Soto’s efforts or not, he was,
the 1800s and actors and
and still is, famous. The proof
anarchists have been added.
is in the history books — and
In the 1900s there are
also that, more than four
more than 60 individuals,
centuries after he died, he had
including lawyers who
a big-old clunky car brand
defended actors, and, so far
named after him. And that
in the 2000s, there are more
was at a time when clunky
than 10 people, with the total
was cool.
Jim Walker
The fact is, it’s getting
Don’t Take Me Seriously probably reaching 500 by
the time the year 2100 rolls
harder and harder to be
around — if they even bother
noticed. And, if you are, you
keeping celebrity death lists then.
are soon forgotten. That’s because there is
By then being categorized as “famous”
simply too much to keep track of these days.
will probably come down to a keyword
And 15 minutes of fame is now down to
search. It won’t matter what deeds you did,
five and dropping.
famous or infamous — or none — it will
I mean, you can carve up your face to
just be the number of hits your “history
look like a cat and everyone yawns.
manipulator engine” can generate for your
If Hernando de Soto was exploring the
name on the Mental Telepathy Internet, or
Mississippi today, his expedition would be
whatever they are using then.
turned into a reality show that would have
(And don’t even think about stealing this
to compete for air time. And some pastyidea for a movie. Yeah, you know who you
faced emo-styled director would be telling
him he needed to create more controversy
are — and so do I. The aluminum spaghetti
with the Indians to pump up viewership.
strainer on your head is not keeping me from
“’Nando, I’m going to cut my wrists if
reading your thoughts.)
we don’t get more drama. Tell the chief he
Achem, I digress....
looks fat or something. Or maybe make a
What price fame?
pass at his wife. You know, but try to make
Well, eventually…none.
it look real.”
While de Soto put his life on the line for
If you skim through famous deaths in
years to earn his glory, including actually
dying, these days you can get famous for a
history for May 21 you will notice that
spray-on tan and bad manners. But the flip
there are more and more famous people
side is your celebrity will only last as long as
listed as the centuries move along, and
orange is popular.
that “fame” seems to be getting more and
In fact, I hear “Avatar” blue is taking
more subjective. For example, for the 900s,
over. Things should be interesting at
maybe they mention one king of France.
Photo illustration by Jim Walker
Explorer Hernando de Soto earned centuries of fame — and had a car brand named after
him. And, yes, his helmet is on backward here. That’s to reduce wind resistance as he drives.
the Jersey shore this summer.
Now you “thinkers” are going to
respond that the reason history records
information about more and more
individuals as the centuries pass is because
of the growth of information technology.
Back in the 900s there were only a couple
monks with drippy pens and big, dusty
books. What monk in his right mind
would bother chronicling anything less
than a king’s death or a war won. I mean,
he’d get writer’s cramp if he tried to keep
up on the doings of local idiots.
Then came the printing press, telegraph,
telephone, radio, TV, fax and Internet.
Naturally, more information can be
disseminated these days — and, thereby,
more fools made famous.
But that only makes my point. Most
of the information being scattered now
is boring at the best and soul-sucking at
the worst. Take Facebook and Twitter, for
instance. How many people really care what
your “random thought of the day” is?
Have they none of their own?
And this viral spread of the inane
creates superstars out of nobodies.
It can also revitalize the fame of
those who have slipped off the radar
screen. Did not Betty White recently
say her resurgence in popularity was
owing to Facebook?
Now, you’ve gotta love The Betty, and
she at least has talent, charisma and has
well-earned her notoriety. But this was a
deliberate manipulation of social media
to create artificial popularity. And though
she was teasing during a monologue for
“Saturday Night Live,” Betty, herself, said
that Facebook was a huge waste of time.
So what’s the “fame” solution?
Don’t worry, it will all take care of itself
very soon, my friends. When it becomes
apparent that everyone is famous, then no
one will be — because no one will care.
So keep that in mind you television
sponsors. The more tripe you attach
yourselves to, the less you will matter.
Oh, and this will all be summed up in
my thought of the day on Facebook.
Well, OK, I’ll save you the trouble.
It’s “get a life.”
Jim Walker’s rants are his problem, and
not necessarily the opinions of Escape or
The Signal. He can be reached at jwalker@
the-signal.com.
